Jane Fonda And Sex(y) Validation

I impartial watched Jane Fonda on Larry King Live (and by “watched” I mean that I saw about a minute and half and was inspired to write an article about her). Hanoi Jane is the only thing that I know about her and I don’t grand. I know she took a photograph in Vietnam, and I know that this photograph made a lot of people mad. I know that she’s an radiant mostly liberal personality, that, by all accounts, would be described by most people as a movie star and/or famous (and probably as a famous movie star), but I can’t name one single picture that she has been in, and apparently she’s won Oscars. So, everything considered, I shouldn’t be writing about her (but that’s why I feel like I need to as well). I know that she was married to Ted Turner (I think this Fonda, but in all fairness I’m not quite certain of this either). Ted Turner used to show her off at Atlanta Braves games, which for some reason are on TBS (or TNT- I can never remember this as well), like she was a fancy hat at the Kentucky Derby, and the Kentucky Derby were held every single day. 

By the way, and I don’t want to derive off on a complete tangent here, why ARE the Braves on a national TV channel? That seems unfairly selfish on so many levels. But back to Fonda (I’ll call her Hanoi Jane because I actually mediate that’s a lovely cool nickname, so long as you don’t think it makes her sound like a communist). She is an enigma to me. She’s exactly like my high school girlfriend who moved to California and tried to be a movie star. I know her, but I don’t really no her (and who’s to say that I ever knew her). She told Larry (he didn’t ask her this) that she is currently on a six year hiatus from sex. This seemed like an odd thing for her to randomly confess to on CNN, but it seemed like an even stranger thing to even happen. A woman who (I guess) spent the greater part of her life achieving a fame that she will never be able to live down through sex appeal is now living a sex free life (although, she did elude to masturbation- which both turned me on and appalled me at the same time; for the record she is somewhere between 68 and 680 years old).

Hanoi Jane is like the aunt that I never had and she seems profoundly cool (cool in a plan that I can’t relate to at all). In this scheme, she is most like my high school girlfriend. I took her virginity and I always wished she would become a famous movie star so that I could say, “hey, you know that famous movie star (Insert name here), I took her virginity.” I’m not saying that I want to have sex with my aunt (she is almost 70 and she has cancer). Her distance and charisma are my relation alone.

I have to let you in on a secret. I’m lying. I can name one movie that Jane Fonda was in. The recent “comedy” Monster In Law with Jennifer Lopez (J-Lo). It just came to me, and it makes me feel that what I just wrote is totally stupid and left of center (or completely outside of a square- and I’m the square). My x-girlfriend is nothing like Hanoi Jane, although she was (and I’m sure still is) beautiful. I’ve reconnected with her on MySpace and we can’t get past a dialogue that wholly revolves around the sentiment “wow, isn’t this funny that we reconnected after all these years”. That’s it. That’s all we have left and that might be all we ever had. It’s really not a whole lot more than what I have with Hanoi Jane. And that’s vaguely depressing.

I just hope (insert name here) would never do a movie with J-Lo. And I hope either woman don’t sympathize with Osama bin Laden. Osama Jane would not be a very cool nickname.

Related Posts

• How Can I Calculate The Arccos Of An Angle (0)